


i fell in love with the fire long ago

by phichit-chu (howtobottlefame)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Pre Canon, just two babies being soft, viktor cuts his hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26185078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtobottlefame/pseuds/phichit-chu
Summary: "Are you sure about this?" he asks one more time, just to be sure. The scissors feel impossibly heavy in his hands and he thinks he can hear his own heart, beating loud and fast against his ribcage, almost like it was his own hair he was cutting, not Viktor's.
Relationships: Christophe Giacometti/Victor Nikiforov
Kudos: 11





	i fell in love with the fire long ago

**Author's Note:**

> This was my submission for the Silver & Gold zine back in 2017, i think, and I simply forgot about posting it here
> 
> Title from Hozier's Would that I

"Are you sure about this?" he asks one more time, just to be sure. The scissors feel impossibly heavy in his hands and he thinks he can hear his own heart, beating loud and fast against his ribcage, almost like it was his own hair he was cutting, not Viktor's. 

"Yeah. I'm sure," he nods once, determined. His voice seems steady and his eyes resolute and it's all Chris needs to swallow the anxious knot that found home in his throat. 

He was 10 when he first saw him skate, a boy not a lot older than he was but seeming impossibly experienced as his skates cut through the ice. Chris was still growing into his own limbs, still awkwardly long, still hesitating on the boldest moves he dared try. Viktor didn't hesitate once, his feet certain as he skated, his expression completely at ease, like the ice was exactly where he belonged. _That's what I want to do_ , he thought, his eyes fixed on the tv, following Viktor's every move, _I want to be look just like him_. His silver hair reached just to his shoulders then, small braids adorning his head like a crown, and Chris thought he had to relearn how to breathe.

Throughout his skating career, through the inconsistency of his personal life, Viktor remained the one constant he could rely on, the one person Chris kept an eye on. He was 12 the first time he met him, and his own skating was improving so much he could almost, _almost_ skate against Viktor. He watched him from the bleachers, his eyes seeing nothing but Viktor, hearing nothing but his music and the sound of his blades ripping through ice, even above the noise of the cheering crowd, even above his own beating heart. The world died down and only Viktor remained, his arms and his legs perfectly controlled, his every move seeming to be a part of the music, an intricate coreography that Chris felt in his very heart. His hair was long, shining under the spotlights, and Chris thought he could see a bit of glitter through the strands. 

"See you at Worlds, Chris!" The crowd was big and loud, everyone excited to get a chance to see Viktor skate in person, so promising despite his age. Hundreds of people screaming Viktor's name, and yet it was Chris' eyes that he met, his smile warm like summer and easy as a long time friend. The rose felt fragile in his hand, like it would vanish if Chris held on too strong. It sat on his nightstand for weeks, adorning a brand new vase until the petals withered and his mom urged him to throw it away. 

_I have to get better_ , he thought, feeling like his goal had never been clearer, _I have to be good enough to qualify with him. I have no other choice._

He's 17 when he finally stands on the podium with Viktor, a bronze medal held proudly in his hand, Viktor's arm around him warm and dizzying as they posed for photographs together. 

It unravels after that, this friendship they build together. Thousands of miles between them seem suddenly irrelevant every time they meet for a competition. It's different than what he expected, different than the blinding admiration he had felt before, ever present and growing, until his admiration bled into something else. It was still there, of course, the way his heart raced when he watched Viktor take the ice, but it mixed with something more, something stronger. His admiration with his own desire to keep going, to become as strong as him, maybe even stronger. The long nights watching videos of Viktor's programs on repeat changed to long nights with him, until suddenly his heart raced even when Viktor wasn't skating. It was friendship first, companionship from someone who lived the same experiences as him, someone that understood. Even that changed, all his feelings for Viktor bleeding into something stronger than him, impossible to ignore and so big it almost scared him.

On hindsight, he should have known he loved him. He should have known that the insistent tugging on his heartstrings was more than admiration, more than platonic feelings, the excitement of a close friendship. On hindsight, maybe he knew all along, this feeling that was always too strong to name. 

They have a great thing going, if only sporadic whenever their schedules and the distance between them allow it. Viktor's his best friend, possibly the only real one he has, and when they kiss he feels it there, his beating heart loud in his ears and the welcome comfort of familiarity, of someone like him. When he has a tough day, he goes to Viktor, and when Viktor tells him about something exciting, his next program or the costume he'll wear, Chris listens eagerly.

They learn each other as much as possible, the good and the bad and all the things in between. 

Chris knows what he goes through. He's lived it too, in a way. No matter what Viktor does, it'll never be enough. He could give -he _gives_ \- 100% and they'll expect 110. They always want more, always expecting his next step even before he knows which one he'll take, asking for more jumps, better routines, bigger surprises. More, more, more and Viktor will give it to them even if it breaks him. Even _when_ it breaks him. _I need a change_ , he says, and Chris knows there's more to it than that, knows also not to push him into telling. So he just nods, offering his support the best way he knows how, and if he mourns the loss of his hair he does so quietly, reminding himself he has the real thing, that it's not just the quiet admiration he felt as a child anymore, he has _Viktor_ , and he wouldn't dare ask any more. 

He runs his fingers through Viktor's hair, long enough now to just brush his waist, and through the bathroom mirror he can see him closing his eyes to the touch. "Are you nervous?" he asks, and his own voice sounds strange to his ears. He's always known him like this, his hair only growing through the years, and if he's the one hesitant to cut it it's only out of a symbolic sentimentality, rather than Viktor's appearance. Still, when Viktor opens his eyes and meets his gaze through the mirror, his smile bright and wrinkling the corners of his eyes when he nods, all his worries are washed away.

He could honestly say he's good at this, that Viktor came to him not only because of their relationship, and the silver strands fall easily through his fingers, the cuts precise and careful as he gives shape to his new look. The floor is covered in silver when he's done, like it's bleeding out of him, and his fingers run through the short strands that are left, checking the length. 

Viktor's look is serious as he checks himself in the mirror, again and again until a sense of dread starts settling in Chris' chest, fearing he messed up, that Viktor will be upset with him. Instead, Viktor smiles, bright and easy, and turns to him. "Thank you," he says, more honestly than Chris has ever heard him, and he doesn't even have the time to reply before he's kissing him, soft, like all the things he wants to say. Chris has always been good with words, with speaking his heart, but somehow this is different, easier. He kisses him earnestly and when he runs his fingers through Viktor's short hair he thinks this feels just as good as it always did.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a little Yoi discord server open for anyone! You can join [here](https://discord.gg/RdgD5Yw)!
> 
> You can also find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/yuriotabk)


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